I have an irrational, illogical fear of having a daughter. For many reasons, I feel like I am just not equipped or even made to be able to raise her properly. The first is my body issues, something that is unhealthy and definitely does not need to be pass down to another person. Another is, what if I am made to not have daughters and so if I do, I am repeating the relationship I have with my own mother. It might be a genetic thing because she loves the ground that my brother walks on, but seems to despise everything of me.
As I said, it is illogical and irrational.
When I think about it with a clear mind, and actually saying it out loud, I know how stupid I sound. But I just can’t help it.
I have been reassured many times by many different people, both qualified and life-experienced, it all depends on nature and nurture. The nature of a person is something that I don’t have control over. However, I can control how I nurture her, that I will have some sort of say how she hopefully grows up to be.
Mr E even goes to say that God will not give me a cross I can’t bear. For a man who isn’t very religious, to use that argument with me? He must really be desperate :P
And really, when I go to the shops and see how adorable girls’ things are, it’s kind of hard not to want one to buy stuff for. To play dress up with. So I must be at least okay with the idea.
It might just be the kind of baby girls I’ve been exposed to so far, but they do seem calmer, less boisterous, happy to play independently than the active ball of energy I have at the moment. Plus, apparently, they’re easier to toilet train ;) That would be a nice change.
I cuddled an adorable one yesterday, and I did have to fight the urge to not run away with her and keep her as my own….
But then, when I really think about teenage girls, how catty they can be, the monthly hormonal changes? *shudder* they’re scary :)
Luckily (unluckily?), it is not something that I have any control over. Gender choosing seems a little way off in the medical world, and really, when it comes down to it, all I want at the end of the pregnancy, a healthy perfect baby. Regardless of the gender.
Also, if I do end up getting a daughter in the future, I have a myriad of friends with girls, who I will have to consult with when things go awry. Mr E also promised me an almost unlimited budget for clothes if we do end up with a girl. I can’t say no to that ;)
If you have a girl, and was scared beforehand like I am, what is your experience like now? Please share!
Ps. Sorry for the random bursts of rambling. I am still waiting for uni timetable to come through, but hopefully I have set times soon to blog properly in the future :)