I was doing my nightly skincare routine, massaging my moisturiser in, noticing a couple more fine lines around the eyes. Nitpicking my features, wishing that my nose was taller, eyes bigger, cheeks thinner, etc etc.
Then I remembered the other night when I had to resettle Little E back to sleep in the middle of the night.
This face that I so intensely dislike is the face that my son wants to look at as he drifts off to sleep at night
The face that he looks for in the crowd
The face that brings a big cheeky grin to his beautiful face
The face that he most probably think of when he hears the words “comfort” and “mummy”
I may not like it and wish that I could change it, but to him? He wouldn’t want it any other way.
Who else gets embarrassed when you trip or fell over in public? Who tries to look back on the ground to check whether something was there and not just clean flat ground? Who would continue walking like nothing happened even though your knee/elbow/face hurts like there’s no tomorrow?
It appears that all this applies to toddlers as well. At least, mine.
You see, Little E is a pretty active person. He just doesn’t sit still. There’s no such thing as sitting quietly to read or paint or draw. He would do those activities standing up, while walking around the table, then sitting down, then standing up, and so on. You get the drift. He does the same thing while playing.
My inlaws told me that he definitely is an active little one, at least compared to their three boys and the thousands of little people they see at their work.
Anyway, I have now stopped worrying whether he’d fall or trip. I just have to let him spend his excess energy and have him sleep properly at night ;) Even if it meant him falling all over the place as he doesn’t understand the concept of being careful yet.
However, lately, I’ve noticed that he has a new trick up his sleeve. Either out of embarrassment or plain ol’ silliness, when he falls now, he would yell out
and starts squiggling on the ground like a.. well.. worm.
We went to the Indonesian Embassy festival today. I believe it was the third time this year that the embassy opened up its doors to the public. This one, though, was the biggest one so far. They had lots of food stalls, women accessories stalls and Indo promotional stalls. There were also entertainment of dancing and singing.
Normally, when there are too many choices, I end up with nothing. However, when presented with Indo food, I go nuts. No. I went CRAZY. I ended up with pretty much everything. Bless Mr E, he took care of Little E while mummy queued up at every single stall there…..
I have a few of the stall holders as my Facebook friends, so I was able to pre-order. It’s a good thing, as by the time we got there (around 4 hours before the festival ended), some of the popular stalls had sold out! It’s crazy!
Anyway, it was such a glorious day. It was fun watching Little E dance to the traditional songs. It is interesting to watch that he can pick out words from the entertainers, repeating them to himself. I think he knows more Indo than Mr E already!
Mr E said that the next open day is November 1st. So if you’re in Canberra then, please do check it out :)
Things aren’t going all that great in my household at the moment. Something that should have been exciting and a little bit stressful has becoming a lot of stressful and not all that exciting anymore. It definitely has made my anxiety getting way out of control.
Mr E said that it is “a short term pain for a long term gain”. I wish I can be more like him. Regardless, I am grateful for him this week. At least, I am not alone in dealing with the stress.
I am also grateful for my special friend that I see every week. Sure she’s getting paid for it but I’m grateful that we have built rapport and she has been helping me a lot to be better. It helps that not only she’s a mum to a similar age boy, she’s also my age :) She also promised me this week that we can get my anxiety controlled to a nice (almost nonexistent) level. I hope she’s right!
I don’t know many nursery rhymes, in English nor Indo. When I was pregnant, I had to try to learn a few English ones. My mum inlaw even printed a few as posters :P But there is one Indo nursery rhyme that seemed to have stuck in my head, and I have been singing it to Little E since he was teeny tiny
Kasih ibu, kepada beta (My mother’s love to me)
Tak terhingga, sepanjang masa (Is limitless, for always)
Hanya memberi, tak harap kembali (Only giving, expecting nothing in return)
Bagai sang surya, menyinari dunia (Just like the sun, shining the world)
I think it might be that the song, how it describes a mother’s love, it really rang true to me. Though I have an Asian heritage, I disagree with the stereotypical Asian thoughts and expectations of a parent. My children do not owe me anything for raising them, it was my choice (and Mr E’s) to have children, therefore, it is our responsibility and duty to do our best. The money, the tears, the effort, the time, and everything else we spent on our children are our choice to spend. They do not have to “pay me back” in return, though it would be great to be respected and loved by them. I want that to be their choice though, because they actually do respect and love us. Not out of payment.