Lemmings: Longchamp Le Pliage Cage aux Oiseaux

It has been awhile since I’ve done one of these posts, mainly because there haven’t been many things that I have been wanting. Then I made the mistake of “let’s just check what Longchamp’s special edition bags are this season” instead of checking when I should start doing uni work this week. Behold!

Le Pliage Cage aux Oiseaux

Ermerghed!!!

The spiel on the website, describing the design:

Le Pliage Cage aux Oiseaux conveys joyful messages like “be happy”. On the front of the bag, birds escape from an open cage, while a heart appears on the back. This unique Le Pliage collection is an expression of freedom and love.

Emerghed!!! Hey, Mr E, my birthday is coming up! And I have been soooo awesome lately ;)

The wheels (of life) goes round and round

Things are looking mighty swell in my life at the moment. I feel like the stars are lining up, and my ducks are all in order.

I am healthy, my whole family is healthy. Our house may be small, but it’s ours and we’re sheltered. I have (loads of) food on my table, I am rarely without. Mr E and I have not squabbled for a long time. Little E is as perfect as we could ever hope for in a son, bringing so much joy in our lives. I have a gaggle of mum friends I am going through “phases” with. I have many good friends I can count on for advice or just keeping me company. My efforts at work have recently been acknowledged, both verbally and monetarily.

More significantly, perhaps, is that I have recently shared a part of my life to a few of my closest people. I feel like a whole lot of weight had been taken off my shoulders and I can walk lighter since then.

I am sure I have mentioned this before, but someone told me years ago that for someone to be truly happy, the three things in life must align:
– home life (family, marriage, love, etc)
– friends life
– career (study) life

As you can imagine, it would be very rare for all three to line up. The wheels of life move all the time, sometimes you are down, sometimes you are up. The positive thing out of it is that when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, you will surely be on your way up again. You will not stay stagnant. That is just the fact of life.

So, right now, I can’t really ask for more. Sure things will go awry again in my life, something will happen to knock my stars out of whack, but those times will make me appreciate times like now.

If you’re having a hard time at the moment, please remember that it will not stay that way forever. I hope you find your ray of sunshine soon :)

Girls

I have an irrational, illogical fear of having a daughter. For many reasons, I feel like I am just not equipped or even made to be able to raise her properly. The first is my body issues, something that is unhealthy and definitely does not need to be pass down to another person. Another is, what if I am made to not have daughters and so if I do, I am repeating the relationship I have with my own mother. It might be a genetic thing because she loves the ground that my brother walks on, but seems to despise everything of me.

As I said, it is illogical and irrational.

When I think about it with a clear mind, and actually saying it out loud, I know how stupid I sound. But I just can’t help it.

I have been reassured many times by many different people, both qualified and life-experienced, it all depends on nature and nurture. The nature of a person is something that I don’t have control over. However, I can control how I nurture her, that I will have some sort of say how she hopefully grows up to be.

Maybe.

Mr E even goes to say that God will not give me a cross I can’t bear. For a man who isn’t very religious, to use that argument with me? He must really be desperate :P

And really, when I go to the shops and see how adorable girls’ things are, it’s kind of hard not to want one to buy stuff for. To play dress up with. So I must be at least okay with the idea.

It might just be the kind of baby girls I’ve been exposed to so far, but they do seem calmer, less boisterous, happy to play independently than the active ball of energy I have at the moment. Plus, apparently, they’re easier to toilet train ;) That would be a nice change.

I cuddled an adorable one yesterday, and I did have to fight the urge to not run away with her and keep her as my own….

But then, when I really think about teenage girls, how catty they can be, the monthly hormonal changes? *shudder* they’re scary :)

Luckily (unluckily?), it is not something that I have any control over. Gender choosing seems a little way off in the medical world, and really, when it comes down to it, all I want at the end of the pregnancy, a healthy perfect baby. Regardless of the gender.

Also, if I do end up getting a daughter in the future, I have a myriad of friends with girls, who I will have to consult with when things go awry. Mr E also promised me an almost unlimited budget for clothes if we do end up with a girl. I can’t say no to that ;)

If you have a girl, and was scared beforehand like I am, what is your experience like now? Please share!

Ps. Sorry for the random bursts of rambling. I am still waiting for uni timetable to come through, but hopefully I have set times soon to blog properly in the future :)

Happy CNY!

As I prepare for the Chinese New Year tomorrow, I feel a little sadness. CNY is probably the one time that I wish I still have my blood relatives, to have a CNY party to go to, to expose Little E to the quirks and fun of the festivity.

Then I remembered the first CNY with him.

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Little E's red pocket for tomorrow :)

My MIL came to visit, along with a very close family friend (pretty much like Mr E’s second mum, really). They insisted that they cook dinner one night, which happened to coincide with CNY. I love my MIL’s cooking so I was too happy to accept. What they did, it really touched my heart and made me forever grateful to have these amazing women in my life.

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Red velvet biscuits with flowers

For CNY that night, they surprised me with Peking Duck san chow bows and egg tarts for dessert. A little CNY celebration of our own ♡

Again, life has proven to me that Little E is never lacking. He may not have the Asian blood relatives that he should have, the family members from my side, but he certainly have a lot of love from everyone else. I am thankful.

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Inside the small hamper I put together for Little E's day carers

Happy Chinese New Year to all of you who celebrate the festivity. May “the year of the horned animal” (in English, it is goat/sheep/ram) brings you joy, love, prosperity, peace and comfort.

Gong Xi Fat Choi!

Spontaneous Independence

A friend recently asked me why am I “the unicorn mum”?

She obviously didn’t know of the existence of this blog until then, and it took me a few minutes to think of the reason. How do I explain a two-year internal battle succinctly? Then I said to her “because I am chasing the impossible”.

Honestly, that is still the case now. Sure, I am better, I have learnt more and more each day to “outsource”, to let people help me, to even seek help. But at the end of the day, I still want it all. I want to be everything, at once, and succeed.

A very exciting job opportunity came up recently, and I so wanted to apply for it. Alas, it is impossible, for now, at least. The job would have involved long, hectic days, it is only a temporary position and it is not in Canberra. Where I am in my life right now, it is just not possible for me to go for it. I probably wouldn’t have gotten it, but I would have loved to try still.

Career has always been important for me, it is something that I have that is only for me. Yes, it relied on other people too to give me the opportunity, but it relies a great deal of effort from my part. So when I accomplish something in that area, it gives me almost an instant personal gratification. Not much in my life right now, as a mum, can give me that :) What I do now, I won’t see the results until years and years from now. Everything also relied on everyone else to do their part.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mum. It is the most rewarding job I’ve ever had, but like all jobs, it comes with its own ups and downs. Negatives and positives, if you like to look at it that way. It is physically and mentally tiring, there is no breaks, and I am challenged every single steps of the way. However, at the end of each day, I get lots of tight cuddles, slobbery kisses and I love yous that make me instantly “forget” of the hardwork done that day. Then, if your kid is going through the same phase as ours, you get woken up every 4 hours during the night. Enough to make you get good-enough sleep, but not enough to not make you feel tired for the new day.

I guess, even two years later, I am still adjusting to my life as a mum. I wonder when I will finally be adjusted. I wish that it had come easier for me, to let go of my independent, spontaneous life, to have others to help (and not feel like I am forever indebted to them) and just enjoy having not much control of my life. Because now, and it has been since 2012, I have a little man controlling it. My life revolves around him, even to the smallest detail.

Perhaps it was our fault, for giving him a name that means “the ruler of the house” ;)

Almost Full-time Working Mum (A-FTWM)

Well.. I’ve done 3 weeks of a 4-day week back at work now and I have got to say that it’s hard! I didn’t realised how much I needed naps during the day, so now that I have 1 less day in the week to have those naps, I am seriously super duper tired #firstworldproblem

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Heart-shaped scone: carb, dairy, fruit, protein and minerals - a balanced meal, right?

#anotherfirstworldproblem is that I am even less motivated to cook dinner the days I am working. With the compilation of allergies in our house, I really need to cook everything from scratch. No ready made sauces thankyouverymuch. So thinking of healthy, balanced meal every night is such a chore, and 3 weeks in, I have started to dread it. Luckily, Mr E is starting to pull his weight in so I have those nights off. I have also started to cook in giant batches on the weekend, freeze them, then reheat when needed. Another thing I am going to do is to do a weekly/fortnightly menu planning again (for some reason, I stopped this mid-last year).

My uni course is starting early next month and I am super nervous on how I am going to handle it all. I still haven’t found a cleaner to help me around the house, however, we have a working automated washing machine in the house! No more manual watering necessary :) I hope to have a cleaner already organised by the time assignments are due, because then at least, I know that part of my life is taken care of.

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Toilet training, it's a family affair....

My little one is apparently going through a “phase” where he takes an hour (or more!) to get to sleep, every single night. Mr E does bedtimes, and most nights lately, he would give up in frustration, leaving Little E in his room alone. That’s when problem starts. He would create a bomb site, pulling every single clothing item he has, playing with his moisturiser, basically having the time of his life, much to our frustration. One time, we found him covered head to toe with Sudocream. For those who don’t know what that is, think of it as the thickest, oiliest, hard to wash off cream. Sigh.

I say that it is a phase because I talked to all my mummy friends and they all are going through the same thing with their children of the same age. Apparently it has something to do with exerting independence and authority. Or something.

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One thing I know for sure, he is not starved.

We are still having problems with him not eating his meat, though it seems that it is only a problem we have at home. We have been getting reports almost every day from his daycarers that he is, by far, the best and fastest eating little person they have lol Most days, he would have 2 serves of everything, and by everything, I mean breakfast, morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea. At least I know we are getting our money’s worth :P

I seriously cannot say how nervous/excited/weeing in my pants/apprehensive I am for what the rest of 2015 has in store for me, as January feels like a jam-packed month already. So if it is a sign of what is to come, then this year is going to be insane. Regardless, though, I know that I have the same supportive group of people around me, making sure I am okay physically and mentally :)

Until my next post, like Ellen DeGeneres always says, “be happy and healthy” :)